A Kaku Carol
by Masha Spieker
Summary: A Kaku Carol: A Crack Christmas fanfiction based on the popular Christmas tale of 'A Christmas Carol' (I know its terrible)


**Disclaimer: This is a work of FANFICTION using the characters from ****Masashi Kishimoto****'s Naruto. All characters in this story are the creations of Masashi Kishimoto's for which I claim no ownership over. The story follows Kakuzu in a retelling of the Christmas classic 'A Christmas Carol'. **

**'A Christmas Carol' is the creation of the brilliant Charles Dickens. I claim no ownership over either work and I earn no profit from this work of fiction. **

**Fandom: Naruto (Anime/Manga)  
>Rating:<br>Pairing: HidaKaku**

**This is an AU fiction where neither of the characters are ninja, criminal or not.**

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><p>Snow engulfed the small village, which wasn't unusual for this time of year. The citizens scattered and ran for cover in their homes, hoping to avoid the on coming storm. Those inside had stoked their fires, made warm drinks and bundled into blankets, all ready for the big day- Christmas. That is, all were prepared except 'Akatsuki &amp; Co'. Akatsuki &amp; Co had not been the same since the untimely death of the co owner Pein. Pein was dead and the only thing that remained of him was his memory, that and Kakuzu. Kakuzu, ah what a horrid man he was. He was bitter and cruel and a greedy old man. He was as cold as ice. Kakuzu cared for no one and no one carted for him and that, was how he liked it.<p>

It was on Christmas Eve that we see Kakuzu now, he was sat haunched over his desk, the freezing cold and the on coming storm being no bother to him. He was keeping an eye on his clerk Sasori Akasuna. He was scrutinising his every move and making sure that nothing of high price went missing. After shivering quite fiercely Sasori got to his feet and made his way towards his boss, he looked nervous and one could not tell if he was shaking from nerves or from the cold.  
>"Mr Kakuzu sir?"<br>Kakuzu straightened up, narrowing his dark eyes at the red head that dared to interrupt his precious work.  
>"What is it Mr Akasuna?"<br>"Well..." Sasori looked uneasy, "The other workers and I were wondering if we could have some coals for the fire, our fingers are freezing up and we can't do our work properly"

Kakuzu stared at the red head, "You come in here, to ask for more coals?"  
>"Thats... thats not all sir" Sasori found himself saying before he could stop himself, "Tomorrow is Christmas Eve sir and I promised my wife and kids that I'd spend the day off"<br>"You want the day off?"  
>"Yes sir"<br>"How long for?" Kakuzu asked, wishing he could be counting his money,  
>"The whole day sir"<br>Kakuzu looked at Sasori with distaste, "Bah Humbug" he told the shorter man. Kakuzu thought of the social customs of his town and avoided groaning out loud. He looked at his underpaid worker and smiled, it was a frightening sight. "You may have the day off with full pay" Kakuzu's teeth were grinding, "But the following day you are required to be here two hours earlier"

The door of the building rang as the bell was summoned from its self. Two finely dressed men entered into Kakuzu's office. They nodded in greeting to both the head of the office and Sasori, who excused himself and went back to work. Kakuzu grumbled under his breath and looked at the men,  
>"How can I help you two gentlemen?"<br>"Merry Christmas" one of them said with wild silver hair,  
>"Bah Humbug" Kakuzu replied.<p>

The two men shared a look, the shorter of the two, a brunette with a prominent scar across his nose spoke up, "Excuse me sir, I have something of an urgent matter to discuss with you: during this time of year many are without their most basic of needs..."  
>"Are there no prisons?" Kakuzu interrupted,<br>"Too many sir" the silver man said with a frown,  
>"And the mills?"<br>"Still in operation sir, but I do so wish they weren't..."  
>Kakuzu huffed, "What about the work houses?"<br>"Those are... still around" the brunette looked confused, "So, how much shall we put your donation down for?"  
>Kakuzu let out a bitter laugh, "Nothing" he told them, "I do not care for these people and these people care not for me. Now I ask you to leave my property before things get rather messy"<br>The two gentlemen turned to leave, rather flustered by the events that had just occurred. They passed by Sasori who grabbed the silver haired man's hand. He glanced towards Kakuzu, making sure his boss was not watching, "Take this" he told the two, giving them all the money he had on him. The two gentlemen gave him a warm smile, wished him "A Merry Christmas to you good sir!" and left to carry on their job.

Kakuzu, who had been watching the entire event was about to say something, however was interrupted by the bell of the door ringing. He got ready to yell at the two charity workers before he saw who it was. It was Pein's wife, Konan. She walked with elegance towards the table at which Kakuzu sat.  
>"A Merry Christmas to you, dear Kakuzu" she smiled,<br>"Bah Humbug"  
>Konan continued to smile, "I do hope you'll be stopping by this Christmas Mr Kakuzu."<br>Kakuzu scowled, "Why should I?"  
>Konan was not fazed by the man's bitterness, "Its the first christmas since Pein died, we as friends should celebrate it together"<br>"I do not wish to take part in meaningless activities, go do something with your life Ms Konan, rather than wail and whine about the death of your husband"  
>Konan, seeing that there was nothing she could do, sighed and made her way out of the office. Sasori glanced at his boss, before thinking it wise to not say anything. He got to his feet, wrapping himself up in his pitiful excuse of a winter coat, he looked at his boss who was still at his desk.<br>"I'll see you in two days Mr Kakuzu"

That night, Kakuzu walked home in the cold alone. It was a grand house in which he lived, yet poorly cared for, with a bare front garden and withered, dying trees. He made his way slowly towards the front door, fumbling in his pockets for his keys. As he did so, his dark gaze fell upon the bass knocker. It was in the shape of a lion with a ring in its mouth. As he put his key into the lock, Kakuzu found himself peering at the door knocker closer. The lion opened its mouth in an all mighty roar. Pein's face protruded from the knocker, face screwed up in agony as pitiful wails echoed around. Kakuzu flew back in shock, landing on the floor. He looked around, before looking back up at the knocker, it was a lion again. Getting to his feet, he made his way inside of his house, making sure he double locked the door. Pretending to not be unnerved by the events that had occurred, Kakuzu fixed himself a meal, then retired to his room for the night. He ate his meal in silence, his mind wandering to greater things like money, or all the village's wealth. A sound from the fireplace made Kakuzu drop his knife and fork, with a hardened glare, he got up from his seat and walked towards the fire. There was nothing in the flames, nor did Kakuzu think there would be anyone in his chimney. A gust of air sent Kakuzu flying backwards, he landed on his bed, legs over his head. He rolled and looked towards the fireplace. A gross wailing rang in his ears. There in the centre of the room, in a ghostly light was his old partner Pein. His face was frozen in a horrifying scream, and long and heavy chains were tied to his wrists and ankles.  
>"KAKUZU!" the ghost of Pein screamed at him, "HEED THIS WARNING. THOSE OF FOUL NATURE WILL BE SUBJECTED TO PUNISHMENT OF CHAINS FROM BEYOND THE GRAVE. THOSE WHO HAVE LED A SELFISH AND UNHAPPY LIFE WILL FOREVER HAVE TO DRAG THEIR SORROWS AND GUILT WITH THEM FOR ALL ETERNITY!"<br>Kakuzu looked at the ghost with wide, panicked eyes, "It- It cannot be!"  
>"THESE CHAINS I FORMED IN LIFE!" the ghost of Pein continued, "AND NOW I AM DOOMED TO CARRY THEM FOREVER, AS WILL YOU KAKUZU IF YOU DO NOT CHANGE YOUR WAYS. YOU WILL END UP LIKE ME, NO LONGER ABLE TO HELP THOSE WHO NEED IT, NOR ABLE TO VISIT THE ONE I LOVE THE MOST"<br>"Why are you telling me this?" Kakuzu yelled at the spirit,  
>"TONIGHT YOU WILL BE VISITED BY THREE SPIRITS, WHO WILL TELL YOU THE ERROR OF YOUR WAYS. LISTEN TO THEM AND HEED MY WARNING, CHANGE YOURSELF SO YOU DO NOT END UP LIKE US" The ghost blew open the windows in Kakuzu's bedroom, he went to fly through them, before turning to face the old miser.<br>"BE NICE TO KONAN, SHE MEANS WELL"

The ghost launched himself out of the window, surrounded by many other spirits who had their own chains, their wailing almost sounding like a terrible choir. Kakuzu, who looked at the scene which unfolded with unease slammed the window shut and closed the curtains, hoping to drain out the wails of the spirits that plagued the earth, unable to do anything for themselves or others.

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><p><strong>So, is it worth continuing or just deleting forever?<strong>  
><strong>(Yes i know characters are OOC, but is a christmas crack fic... soooo...)<strong>

**Merry Christmas!**


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